Asking the Right Questions of Your Child’s Future Spouse

I proposed to Jean the old-fashioned way. I asked her mom and dad for permission to marry her. Honestly, I think they were shocked with me. They weren’t a Christian family, so they didn’t fully appreciate the rich view of marriage offered in the Bible.

So, when I went to them and said, “I really want to marry your daughter. Would you give us your blessing?” they were slightly befuddled and didn’t quite know how to respond.

They would have felt better equipped if they could have had the conversation with Dr. Greg Smalley that I did. We’re airing it on our Focus on the Family Broadcast “Asking the Right Questions of Your Child’s Future Spouse.” Listen to it on your local radio station, online, on Apple Podcasts, via Google Podcasts, or take us with you on our free phone app.

Greg is the vice president of marriage and family formation here at Focus on the Family. He’s married to Erin, and they have four children and one son-in-law. That son-in-law, Caleb, was the focus of our conversation.

Greg’s journey with Caleb served as backdrop for our discussion about how to have a positive influence on your child’s engagement. There are some key questions you can ask that will deepen your connection with your child and soon-to-be son/daughter-in-law, as well as improve their chance for a successful marriage.

Here is a sampling of the 12 questions:

  • “Are you spiritually united?”
  • “Are you ready to make a lifelong commitment?”
  • “What do you see in my son/daughter that makes you want to marry him/her?”
  • “Do you have meaningful communication?”
  • And my favorite: “Would you marry you?”

We also talked about what to do if there are red flags. From communication styles, to handling conflict, to finances, Greg will give you important ideas to consider before you offer your blessing.

Hebrews 13:4 tells us that marriage should be honored by all. Marriage is important. You can help your adult child and their spouse-to-be to address some crucial relationship questions before they walk down the aisle.

We’ll send you a copy of Dr. Greg Smalley’s book Ready to Wed as our way of saying thank you for a gift of any amount. For more information, visit our website or call 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459). It’s a great resource for engaged couples to read together and work through in preparation for marriage.

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Jim Daly

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